If I will be possessed

Well, if you’d ask me, I would do everything and savor every moment while it lasts. I will play with my voice as it changes or shifts from one personality to another—such that from a husky to deep moans of fatality. I would perhaps make different faces as fears to look at me shock the crowd. Or test the strength like superman and banish all my enemies who bully and make fond of me. And of course, levitate and float like a superhero—only I am in a diabolical mode.

But you know what, if I am to choose, I would prefer be possessed by a sexy seductive woman with a sweet attractive voice. Or anything beautiful-but-already-dead creature as destiny would permit it.

The problem is, I might not be able to control the overpowering scent of malevolence. I might not even know myself on the first place. I might do scandalous things while laughing, and I don’t even know a single piece of the jigsaw puzzle when I wake up. Or worse, I might not even wake up anymore. Those are just some of the feelings and could-be-experiences of people who suffered from the so called evil/demonic possessions.

Now, let’s get serious! Why would these things happen on the first place? Are they pretty enough for evil things to be attracted to them? Is it because they lack faith to the Almighty? Stress perhaps? Or could these be psychological?

I had a high school batch mate who suffered from these things. She first was possessed by a child, then after a while was abducted by an old woman. The thing is, with the number of students, she was the only one who suffered from the unfortunate thing. I then thought that maybe she is just unhealthy. Or she lacks some faith to be that delusional. I even thought of psychological issues. Well, who would have thought that an easy-go-lucky girl like her is too vulnerable for that? Later then, we found out that she was suffering from health diseases and mild psychological problem.

Nevertheless, we have to consider all possible factors why one might be attacked or should have suffered from possessions or abductions. We must never forget to pray and be firm for our faith and develop our whole trust to God. We might as well neglect all problems and take life positively, not facing it with a negative attitude. If you are having the sense of fear to a specific thing, then ask for some advice from your friends or your spiritual guide—could be a priest, a pastor or any in the same field. Because at the end of the day, who will learn a lesson but you yourself. At the end of everything, it’s not only you who will be affected, but those around you who care and support. Do not let them be dominated with fear because of you, although they have to help you as an individual. Trust HIM.      

M is for Misconception!

                                           

“Hala! Terror man kaayu na siya nga teacher. Balhin dayun ug room kay manghagbong jud na siya.”

This is what I always hear from my friends when they talk about a specific teacher in a specific room number, especially those who are teaching the sought to be busting subjects. I then tried to think of the possible things that I should do or say when I’m on the spot—stare at the teacher’s glaring eyes in awestruck, or will I just look at the floor in a gloomy unhappy face?

But I thought of my past experience with one of those teachers of this institution, whom they told was a ‘terror’ one. Yes! At first I was afraid. Indeed driven by those heart-pounding words that reverberated through my inner thoughts. I can still remember my trembling hands and shaking knees when I first met her. Especially when she banged the door behind her and asked something to the class in an authoritative voice, oriented us and begun the session.

I can still remember that she has to make me recite in every meeting. Hence, I have to study ahead of time to prepare for the following sessions. I can still remember that she gives her exams every after a chapter or two, and all answers are written on the reference material. I just can’t understand why some stare at the ceiling during her exams. I can still remember that as time went by, I was already used to doing those things that she wants us to do, yet some of us tend to be afraid and aloof to her, especially during exams and recitations. I can still remember that I thought I was her favorite student, that I have to be present every meeting with a gun and plenty of ammos—if favoritism if the proper way to say it.    

    

At the end of the course, I survived. I made it through the end with that so called ‘terror’ teacher. Yes! It was tough, but I made it through with a high mark. Why? Simply because I never believed that she is a terror one.

Friends, if we are all driven by fear that our teachers are inconsiderate terror creatures, then we will never survive. If we will all think that one teacher is a terror thing, how much more if all teachers are the same? Will we just be contented with the failure or patch things up and strive? Because what they want us to do is abide with their standards as teachers. And what we can do is obey them through doing our best and one thing to achieve that is by studying the course.

Have you ever think that a teacher wants you to learn what you need to. And inculcate it in your mind if she has to? If you are just doing your best as a student, then what will you be afraid of? If you are on the right track and you feel that the teacher is busting you, then tell her what you feel. That’s one of your rights as a student! Because for me, there is no such thing as a terror teacher, only lazy students. There is no such thing as strict professor, only afraid and unprepared individuals. There is no such thing as authoritative instructor, only unwilling learners. So don’t be one of those students. Don’t be one imprisoned thing by that silly MISCONCEPTION.   

“The Legal Wife”: A Sad Reality!

                                                           

          

To tell you honestly, I was never fond of watching evening TV series, may it be from the Kapamilya or the Kapuso network, especially those unrealistic, fictional characters and nevertheless less appealing situations that they are dealing with. Maybe because they just can’t get into my nerves, thus staying away from my interests as a viewer. Yes, entertaining minions is their business, but I still can’t find the reason to be fascinated to the stuff.

Not until one of those programs had successfully caught my inner thoughts, not because it’s busting me, but because it’s more realistic, and I’m sure many Filipinos can relate with it. No, I’m not referring to “Ikaw Lamang”—it’s quite old and tragic, yet I find it nice anyway—I’m pertaining to “The Legal Wife” from the Kapamilya network (not to be biased to the other one). At first, I found it simple, like any other TV programs that consume your precious time, yet on the latter part of the show, I felt stirred, indeed moved by the dialogues and was as well affected by the real life situations that the characters were trying to portray, which they did successfully. From then on, I can’t make my day without sitting in front of our 21 inch LCD Panasonic TV set, watching the series.

Yes, the characters are appealing, good enough to depict the role as a matter of fact, but what awakened me the most were the situations–they are just so pure and genuine like the writers are experiencing the whole ‘affair thing’, the dialogues are so real that it seemed unimaginable you just can’t stop hooking up with it. Also by watching it, you might as well understand the story behind every hidden lies, the courage to be a seductive mistress, the strength to be an unfaithful husband, and the innocence of a wife that hides the doubt because of her unbiased love. So whom do we have to put all the blame on? To the lonely mistress? To the cheating husband? Or to the innocent wife? Hard to tell isn’t it?

But we have to face it! We may understand their individual stories, but we can never hide the fact that this is happening, that illegal romantic affairs are just around the corner—it might even be too late, but probably, someone you know might either be the unfaithful or the unfortunate. Hence, The Legal Wife is just a representation of one of the most common social adversary of this country. It is just a representation of the reality that we are consumed by lies, governed by mistrust, and ruled by unfaithfulness and temptations. I’m even waiting for the statistics of the broken family rate of the country if this can’t be stopped in the worst case scenario.   

This is a very sad truth, and we can do nothing but to accept the consequences of the wrong move. But we could at least do something to decrease the probable rate of this concern through knowing ourselves better, approaching people better, thus results for you choose the right person better than anybody else, and not just choose because you were provoked to do so. Let us do our part and make the correct move towards other people and avoid the wrath of social adversaries.

I am very open to comments or suggestions. Just email me at kleinejuno@yahoo.com and follow me on twitter @kleinejun.  

Cat-Mouse Relationships!

                                   

                                                                                                   

“When the cat is away, the mouse will play.”

We always do experience a thrill of excitement whenever our buddies are out there somewhere, out of reach. We always do feel the freedom to say and do whatever we want and like whenever our enemies are nowhere to be found. We always do bear this cat and mouse relationship.

It has always been on our psyche—to make the best when they are not around, to make some fun when they are not listening.

Listed below are just kink examples of situations where we could all relate to:

Student-teacher relationship

Think of yourself sitting in front of the class with the most horrific teacher in the campus. Think of all those traumatic events when you will be scolded, yelled and will feel terrified by your teacher’s glaring eyes. Aren't those devastating?

However, every student has a real funny but true thing to every teacher. Here are some situations that we could actually site with our teachers—just to make fond of it.

When the time of the class has already been running and the teacher has not arrived yet, our minds are already going through a lot of plans for that time— one mouse has to serve as the look-out for the whole class, waiting at the door for any sign of the approaching grumpy cat, and the rest has to do their things and savor it—like do their assignments, listen to music, or just gossip on their crushes and the likes.

Another is when the teacher will arrive, making the whole class doomed, then suddenly, the teacher herself changes the mood of every entity when she decided not to hold a class for some important matters; the students on the other hand are already shouting with joy in their hearts, but silent enough for the teacher not to hear their overflowing emotions. It feels like the whole class has been set free from a lifetime of monotony and melancholy, especially if that is a boring minor subject or a nerve-cracking major subject, or if they will be having an exam on that day and all the students were not able to study their lesson.

Child-parent relationship

As kids, we always love to be with our parents; that were when we were still young. But that’s quite deviated as the one of the norms nowadays. Back when we were still young, we always wanted to be petted by our mother, but now, some things are just different.

It has not been new to our notion that some, if not majority of our parents are harsh and authoritarian; some in a sense of unknowingly controlling their child, depriving their rights. Today, many of us still are clinging to this thing, but not all the times.

We feel controlled and still when they are at our side, but when they are away, it’s like we are so free and liberated that it seemed that we rule the world, and we own it. It’s like being freed from the dark and can now go and roam around, do everything we like and be us.

The situation goes to be having your true identity revealed with the absence of our progenitors, and pretending to be not you when they are present, and these holds true to many of us.

Friends-enemy (friend) relationship      

This is very common on teenagers nowadays. Well, common enough to majority, if not all groups of friends, especially girls.

Some of these situations are as follows:

When you are with your clique, then there is one person you are talking about as your hot seat gossip, the group will compress and form this circle of chikas to begin with. One will start the ball rolling, then everyone will be so eager to share their sentiments and comments to such individual—some with words of insult, some just to have fun, especially if that individual is the most vulnerable of all, the one who has many flaws. Then suddenly, the person of your chika arrives and walks towards you, and then one will change the topic, and without any interruptions, all the rest will be talking with that new scope, knowing that the person of their chika is already there, unconscious and unaware.

Sometimes, they will even go to the canteen and continue their chika, just to finish what they’ve started.    

Another situation turns around just with your own friends, and you’ll never know that you are already in the trend.

One second you are talking to each other, happily and normally as what friends do, but deep inside you are hiding that antagonistic feeling inside towards that friend, then when that comrade turns around and goes away, your dirty thoughts and words will be whispered through the wind.

On the other hand, that friend of yours, who unknowingly has been bitten by you, also has the wrath towards you, and hated you more than you hated her, and the cycle continues—you will be facing through each other, yet the both of you are floating like plastics in the river. 

   

Individual-home relationship

We tend to be so moral and erect while we are in our homes, guarded by the force field so you cannot go and be yourself. But when we are out there somewhere—like out of town, hanging out with friends, we feel superior and resorts to be going wild, while our homes are left behind, longing for you to show what you are with it.

We used to be so silent when staying on our individual lairs, seems like we are not us. But if given a chance to be with others, it seems like the world is ours, the whole dome is in our command. Remember that all of us also need some time on our own, to know us better, to recognize what we have, and improve what we have to, away from the barriers that alters our desire to do the task that we have to. So go on, while the cat is away, let us play. 

Good Luck (To Myself!)

Here I am again, writing non sense blogs. Who cares anyway? But just let me do this okay?

I know, we are just students who deal with these hassles in the academe. And I'm done with those tiring stuff. Well, I used to have this home-school-home and study hard-forget-to-rest routines back in the old days. And I don't know why it has changed. Because of friends maybe? Or time? Or the environment itself? Or it's just within me.

I hate to tell this but I am not anymore fond of scanning nor skimming those books or things-to-enhance-your-knowledge stuff, when in fact I was craving with those back in the primeval times (not that old anyway, 3 years perhaps?).

So, this will be is our finals week, and I haven't even touched an eye to one of my notebooks (or scratch papers). I still have to finalize my research paper and I haven't even finished a single page. I still have to study for my major subjects and I haven't even got the chance to touch it.

So. Good luck to me I guess?

*cheers* I know I'll pass on all my subjects. (I am assuming. Aren't I?)           

When Unexpected Things Happen!

Note: this blog is an experience of mine that was supposed to be nice and worthwhile but it turned so bad and silly. This blog might contain dirty words, just for you to be aware!

We planned to do the drinking stuff to forget someone to my extent, and to move away from the world of academic pressures (that was Friday so we think of no worries at all). But on our way there, things that we haven’t even expected happened.

We started to do it in the afternoon by buying a long necked bottle of light liquor from a store not so far from my friend's boarding house. Unfortunately, we were not able to bring our backpacks, essential things for the bottle to be well kept hidden from the ravenous eyes of the public. Consequently, we have to bring it by hand and ramp it out as we walk towards the place for it to be consumed, a few blocks away from the store where it was bought.

F*ckingly, we were shooed from the place because drinking there was not allowed, not unless the liquor itself was bought from there, making us walk for another 20 minutes looking for another place to savor, but we were also shooed away for the same reason. So I called one of my male friends and asked if we can do our ‘chukarap’ (we term drinking as ‘chukarap’ not to make it obvious) session at their boarding house. But we failed.

This led us to decide where our final setting will be. Upon doing so, we walked for about an hour and roamed around the city and ended our trail at the freedom park, exhausted, hungry and perspiring.

I planned to just go home at leave the bottle of liquor at the street side because we had nowhere else to go. But my companion was so eager not to end the night with frustrations, so we waited until 7 pm, thinking that the store along the boulevard opens at the same time. He played flappy bird while I went to my friends place to borrow his backpack. 

Again, we walked after almost an hour of sitting on the still hot concrete bench, leaving plastic wrappers of hamburgers behind. Fortunately, we found a crisp 20 pesos lying on the sidewalk, and a friend of ours walking on the opposite side towards Jollibee, wearing his ragged clothing and a pair of new gray Ice Cube slippers, and invited him to come with us. Now with the three of us, the ‘chukarap’ session will be nicer, I assumed.

We reached the place 10 minutes before they opened, (another frustration for me). But that doesn't affected the two of them, and they just sit by the sea wall across the road. One ordered a liter of C2, apple flavor and a pack of ice. To make the story fast forwarded, we finished the bottle immediately and ordered another 1 liter bottle of beer. I almost couldn’t take another shot because my tummy rumbles like elephant snores, but I must. After two bottles of beer, I got tipsy (a little bit drunk, you could say that) and decided to just go home ahead of them, thinking of my father’s reaction when I arrive home with that condition.

I arrived home with a churned stomach, but I still forced myself not to spoil with our wall or to our floor after my father castigated me. He yelled like an angry lion to a little puppy who just nod and nod after another sermon. Tired, he turned off the lights and left the puppy sneaking, touching the wall to support him, allowing him not to trip over, towards his bedroom.

I closed my eyes but could still feel the dark world turning around me, making illusions through my head.

At the end of everything, I cried while curling myself into a fetal position, knowing that I failed to forget her. I failed to forget the woman that I like. I failed to forget that a gay like me will fall for a woman like her. And as I lay their lying, I forget to notice that I was not sleeping in my bedroom, but in my sister's, not until I woke up early in the morning.     

    

I Don't Give A Damn!

Warning: if you were able to read that dirty word above, and are not used to read obscene and dirty words, please don't dare to read this blog! This contains some words that you might not consider reading.

I don't give a damn to those people who won't accept me of who I am or for what I am!

I know that we all came from the different walks of life. Some of us came from tycoons of intellectual abilities who are sometimes neglected by people because they possess the highest standards when it comes to the real word. Some of us came from the lowest class of individuals that if will not end up satisfied and changed with new acquaintances, will end up curling on their room, cold and socially dead because they have no one to run into. Some of us may be so flexible and possess a lot of capabilities and are not just mentally but socially aware of the recent situations others are facing, but at the end of everything, stays on the coldest room, hugging his Mickey Mouse pillow, letting the little mouse soak wet with tears of frustrations because he was not able to accomplish some task and the likes.   

But honestly, who cares about that? Who gives a damn f*cking care about that? Who gives even an ample serious and honest time for you if all other people are also busy with their own prejudiced priorities in life?

I have been existing for more than 18 pissed-full years in this frustrating world. I have gone through a lot of social casualties like setting of a bridge because one of my long lost closest friends was not able to come at my place on my birthday party but spent his time somewhere else. I have known a lot of people that shaped me most to what I am now (not the gay thing). I have been to many places that created a deep impact in my beliefs (f*ck it!) that caused hostile environment among us.

Lately, because of the demand of net surfing and the availability of such, I learned about this certain organization or something (I don't really know the correct term, but let's just call them that way) that made my ear and consciousness aroused. I'm referring to the illuminati.   

After spending a lot of time and jeopardizing some of my priorities, I got hooked up on the principles and the fundamentals of the organization, and I somewhat search on the significance of their symbols and hand signals. But f*ck! I am not one of them. I am not f*cking one of them like many people are thinking.

Then came another religion issue. To be honest, I am not a religious man. I can't even go to church regularly like any other saints or sinners do. I do not even know some of the basics of religion. But come on! Does that affect my belief in God if I listen or am aware of this shitty antichrist organizations in the world? Does that make me a f*cking illuminati if I read and search about them? I don't f*cking think so.

I respect those people who firmly believes in things like faith and the likes. But what is the use of respect if they themselves never respect you? What is the use of respect if they themselves spend a lot of time with their faith, but never spare even an ample time with people who needs their acceptance? 

Who cares by the way? What the hell cares if you know these things? How the hell can you be one of them if you are just aware that they do exist? I just can't help but feel mad about this things. One of my fellows told me to just stop, like never listen to gaga songs. Seriously? Are we practicing autocracy here? Hypocrites! You only know gaga as an evil woman, but still listen to all those artists that are all so f*cked up antichrists!    

I thought my only problem is the fact that I belong to the third sex, facing problems like you will never be accepted in their world will be spared due to the sophisticated minds of people. I never feel accepted for Juan's sake! I never feel free to do the things normal gay people do! I never feel free to be who I am! I always feel controlled by the people whom I thought deserves the respect. I always feel far from the real world, like I was living in my own fantasy, away from the prejudiced and biased lair that ever existed.

You may not accept me right now, or won't even accept me tomorrow. But for f*ck's sake! I don't give a damn!

  

I Should Have Known Myself That Much

I was just sitting on the blue monoblock chair inside the university student publication office, trying to think of something productive. But I ended up facing the flat screen desktop computer, reading some of my old feature articles, still hoping to find something worthwhile. I did not.

A little bit agitated, I tried to disturb my inner thoughts, stood up, sang my favorite gaga songs in a vibrato mode and sat down gain, not minding my co-staffer who was doing a revision of an article that she needed to comply with. I never imagined until then that I was already disturbing her. And most of all,I never imagined until then that I was doing that everytime I am in the publication office. That gave me an idea.    

      

I went to Google and encoded the term multiple personality disorder in the search box, a disorder that I wanted to write for my next features article, pressed enter and eagerly waited for the logged connection which happen almost all the time. I scrolled on the results and opened each link one by one on another tabs. One tab was about the history, others talked about the symptoms and the likes, still related to the disorder, but what made me shiver was the tab where you have to answer a set of questions, 50 at most, and identify your personality disorder. I did.

I typed my age and my gender with my damp calloused fingers. I thought about the privacy of this link, but still continued after knowing that everything will be private. Guided by my drive to at least have an intuition of what I might be suffering, I answered each question honestly, religiously even, like it was a midterm exam in one or our major subjects. I crumpled my nerves and a prickle of sweat started to fall on my left cherry cheek, although the already old, sometimes not functioning air conditioner was on.

The office slowly became busy with the staffers, some stayed inside to savor the icy cold prick that caresses their parched tan skin, and some were doing their assigned task, scratching their heads when thinking something.  

Thrilled, I continued to read and click on the box of my choice, feeling hands and eyes at the back of me. I felt a tap on my shoulder but I never dared to look at him until I finished answering the test. With cold fingers, I pressed the submit button and waited for the result. I wished that the connection will be slower than usual.

I am suffering from Histrionic personality disorder according to the 70% rate that I got. Woah! My subconscious exclaimed. I got more fuzzed than usual, scared even to know that my fingers trembled, and I immediately clicked the other tab that I have opened a while ago. I tried to hide the smirk in my physique, letting myself believe that that was nothing but a ridiculous result.

Uncontended, I typed the same term in the search box, scrolled the results found, and opened another testing site, and did the same. What have I found out? The same! I also am suffering from the same personality disorder as I scrolled on the results.

At first, I could not somehow believe that those results are true, perhaps because I believe that I am a well fitted person, out-going and free. But the truth struck me like a lightning from the sky, only that that lightning comes from within me. I told myself, after that scenario, that I maybe normal as to my personal looks, but I might also be that someone who still needs to cope with things up, and know himself more.