Where common hypocrites dwell

                                                                                  

I do bang hard. Really hard. It’s not that I usually do that thing, but if I do, I’ll make sure that pain will be served violently. Sometimes I feel relief hearing pain, cries, moans, groans and suffering. They’re like music to my ear. My medicine, ecstasy, therapy, desire, fetishes and my guilty pleasures.

I like to see fights but refuse to be part of them. I like to see gore and violent movies. I love to see bloodbath and imagine myself doing the kill. I pause those throat cutting scenes during movie marathons. Replay erotic scenes when I’m alone. Have my launch together with my favorite cannibalism movies. And oh. I volunteer on cutting pigs’ throats during occasions and imagine that I’m doing it to a human being.

There are times when I tend to go away from the norms. Deviate what was tasked for me. Defy things and do them my own way. I also do illegal things because for me, it’s part of growing up on the wilderness. It’s like a normal thing.

But to tell you. I hurt. I feel pain. I feel all those shame of unacceptance. I feel death. I do have emotions like normal people do. I tremble when I see fights. I cry when I feel the drama. I love? Yes, that must be a question. If love means being with someone physically, then move me out from the list. If love is being with people that you care most, maybe. But if it’s being yourself, then that’s another questionable detail.

But let’s not play games here. I know that it’s not just me. I know that you too are feeling the same way as I do. You just tend to hide from the reality that you are mad. You are bad. You are crazy. That you have the evilest thing in you that awaits to be orgasmed and to see the world. I know that something in you sweats for worldly desires and urges for the taste of flesh. Not that you eat them, you unite with them (if you know what I really mean). You just don’t know, but the evil in you is winning. It’s taking over you. Overpowering. You may not notice it but the people around you do. Trust me, they do. Because that’s their job and you just can’t stop them. You can’t stop them because you share the same hypocrisy and foolishness. You can’t stop the plague that consumes you gradually until you commit to be part of it.

Sometimes, if not often, we are being inconsiderate to ourselves. We are given the freedom but we are not using it. We tend to isolate and limit ourselves to a certain point, regardless of the circumstances. We tend to mock the innocent but we are fools for ourselves on the first place. We know that we are wicked but we try to trap ourselves within the corners of self-reliance and convince that we are sane. Sometimes, that’s how things work.

How wonderful. How quaint. How foolish the intellectuals are. How funny the educated must be. How ridiculous the so-called innocent people are.

Bottomline, you may think that I’m a sadist or whatever. You may think that I’m not normal. A disordered individual. Disturbed maybe? So be it. I just don’t give a damn to those narrow minded inconsiderate delusional fools. Those hypocrites. Those self centered liars. The pretenders. If you’re one of them, then I’m sorry. I mean, why won’t you just try to accept the fact that people like me or people like you do exist? You may not know it or consciously be aware with that saddening fact but the truth is, we coexist. And there is no debate with that. Thus, an argument is not needed to prove that hypocrisy and foolishness is just around the corner, and that the human vessel is where common hypocrites dwell and win. End of story. 

Just a Matter of Inflicting and Accepting

                                                                                     

I ain’t writing this piece to bash Mayweather. I can’t call him names because I already did that after the fight—and that’d be too much of a flattery for him. I ain’t writing this to expose how dirty he is, coz you saw the whole thing. I’m writing this as a concerned citizen, watching things on my own way of perspective. Hope I ain’t killing your joy (say what?).

I hate boxing. I really do. But I would be doomed if I can’t witness the ‘fight of the century’. I mean, I’m a Filipino, why shouldn’t I give our champ a cheer?  

Bottomline, I enjoyed the whole thing. Not the drama. Not the challenge. Not the filthy way of a game the other one had played. I enjoyed and had fun watching both of them accept and absorb each and every punch (although one was chickened). I enjoyed watching both of them in pain. Well, what they had felt should be a pain in the ass. But it’s with the pride and dignity they say.

The thing is, what I felt at that very moment was not as usual as others might say. Guess what, I was waiting bloodbath, that crimson flow of hot liquid gushing down from their head butted eyes to their red and sullen cheeks. But enough of this crap.

Now, just let me relay things out in the lager scope. I know that ‘twas not just me. I mean, lots of us want to see pain. See violence. That one knockout punch. Lots of us want to see lots of other people in the brink of grief and agony.

And honestly, I just can’t understand why lots of people do things their own way, even if it means aggravating the other. I just can’t get it why lots of individuals go astray just to dig deeper for their own graves. I mean, the reason of your existence will be put in great jeopardy if that’s the case.

On the other note, I still can’t fathom the reason why most people indulge themselves in pain. In violence. In that war freaking thing. I just can’t get it why lots of other people enter the realms of the unimaginable pain just to contribute for one array of race from another. Come on! We’re humans, not chickens or dogs or whatever. The hell were they doing that for? Fame perhaps? Or for the recognition?

Nonetheless, these things are, no matter how darn hard we try to convince ourselves that it does not exist, it does. And it is, in one way or another, happening normally. Not just in boxing, but everywhere. You can’t hide inside your nutshell not to witness things first hand.

Oh! And I am not exempted. I shall never be. Because I enjoy things like that. I feel the fun watching people feel pain. But I ain’t a sadist nor a masochist or anything in between. I am a normal individual in a pure dynamic, violent environment. I am in between clinging on the matter of inflicting and accepting pain. 

If I will be possessed

Well, if you’d ask me, I would do everything and savor every moment while it lasts. I will play with my voice as it changes or shifts from one personality to another—such that from a husky to deep moans of fatality. I would perhaps make different faces as fears to look at me shock the crowd. Or test the strength like superman and banish all my enemies who bully and make fond of me. And of course, levitate and float like a superhero—only I am in a diabolical mode.

But you know what, if I am to choose, I would prefer be possessed by a sexy seductive woman with a sweet attractive voice. Or anything beautiful-but-already-dead creature as destiny would permit it.

The problem is, I might not be able to control the overpowering scent of malevolence. I might not even know myself on the first place. I might do scandalous things while laughing, and I don’t even know a single piece of the jigsaw puzzle when I wake up. Or worse, I might not even wake up anymore. Those are just some of the feelings and could-be-experiences of people who suffered from the so called evil/demonic possessions.

Now, let’s get serious! Why would these things happen on the first place? Are they pretty enough for evil things to be attracted to them? Is it because they lack faith to the Almighty? Stress perhaps? Or could these be psychological?

I had a high school batch mate who suffered from these things. She first was possessed by a child, then after a while was abducted by an old woman. The thing is, with the number of students, she was the only one who suffered from the unfortunate thing. I then thought that maybe she is just unhealthy. Or she lacks some faith to be that delusional. I even thought of psychological issues. Well, who would have thought that an easy-go-lucky girl like her is too vulnerable for that? Later then, we found out that she was suffering from health diseases and mild psychological problem.

Nevertheless, we have to consider all possible factors why one might be attacked or should have suffered from possessions or abductions. We must never forget to pray and be firm for our faith and develop our whole trust to God. We might as well neglect all problems and take life positively, not facing it with a negative attitude. If you are having the sense of fear to a specific thing, then ask for some advice from your friends or your spiritual guide—could be a priest, a pastor or any in the same field. Because at the end of the day, who will learn a lesson but you yourself. At the end of everything, it’s not only you who will be affected, but those around you who care and support. Do not let them be dominated with fear because of you, although they have to help you as an individual. Trust HIM.      

M is for Misconception!

                                           

“Hala! Terror man kaayu na siya nga teacher. Balhin dayun ug room kay manghagbong jud na siya.”

This is what I always hear from my friends when they talk about a specific teacher in a specific room number, especially those who are teaching the sought to be busting subjects. I then tried to think of the possible things that I should do or say when I’m on the spot—stare at the teacher’s glaring eyes in awestruck, or will I just look at the floor in a gloomy unhappy face?

But I thought of my past experience with one of those teachers of this institution, whom they told was a ‘terror’ one. Yes! At first I was afraid. Indeed driven by those heart-pounding words that reverberated through my inner thoughts. I can still remember my trembling hands and shaking knees when I first met her. Especially when she banged the door behind her and asked something to the class in an authoritative voice, oriented us and begun the session.

I can still remember that she has to make me recite in every meeting. Hence, I have to study ahead of time to prepare for the following sessions. I can still remember that she gives her exams every after a chapter or two, and all answers are written on the reference material. I just can’t understand why some stare at the ceiling during her exams. I can still remember that as time went by, I was already used to doing those things that she wants us to do, yet some of us tend to be afraid and aloof to her, especially during exams and recitations. I can still remember that I thought I was her favorite student, that I have to be present every meeting with a gun and plenty of ammos—if favoritism if the proper way to say it.    

    

At the end of the course, I survived. I made it through the end with that so called ‘terror’ teacher. Yes! It was tough, but I made it through with a high mark. Why? Simply because I never believed that she is a terror one.

Friends, if we are all driven by fear that our teachers are inconsiderate terror creatures, then we will never survive. If we will all think that one teacher is a terror thing, how much more if all teachers are the same? Will we just be contented with the failure or patch things up and strive? Because what they want us to do is abide with their standards as teachers. And what we can do is obey them through doing our best and one thing to achieve that is by studying the course.

Have you ever think that a teacher wants you to learn what you need to. And inculcate it in your mind if she has to? If you are just doing your best as a student, then what will you be afraid of? If you are on the right track and you feel that the teacher is busting you, then tell her what you feel. That’s one of your rights as a student! Because for me, there is no such thing as a terror teacher, only lazy students. There is no such thing as strict professor, only afraid and unprepared individuals. There is no such thing as authoritative instructor, only unwilling learners. So don’t be one of those students. Don’t be one imprisoned thing by that silly MISCONCEPTION.   

“The Legal Wife”: A Sad Reality!

                                                           

          

To tell you honestly, I was never fond of watching evening TV series, may it be from the Kapamilya or the Kapuso network, especially those unrealistic, fictional characters and nevertheless less appealing situations that they are dealing with. Maybe because they just can’t get into my nerves, thus staying away from my interests as a viewer. Yes, entertaining minions is their business, but I still can’t find the reason to be fascinated to the stuff.

Not until one of those programs had successfully caught my inner thoughts, not because it’s busting me, but because it’s more realistic, and I’m sure many Filipinos can relate with it. No, I’m not referring to “Ikaw Lamang”—it’s quite old and tragic, yet I find it nice anyway—I’m pertaining to “The Legal Wife” from the Kapamilya network (not to be biased to the other one). At first, I found it simple, like any other TV programs that consume your precious time, yet on the latter part of the show, I felt stirred, indeed moved by the dialogues and was as well affected by the real life situations that the characters were trying to portray, which they did successfully. From then on, I can’t make my day without sitting in front of our 21 inch LCD Panasonic TV set, watching the series.

Yes, the characters are appealing, good enough to depict the role as a matter of fact, but what awakened me the most were the situations–they are just so pure and genuine like the writers are experiencing the whole ‘affair thing’, the dialogues are so real that it seemed unimaginable you just can’t stop hooking up with it. Also by watching it, you might as well understand the story behind every hidden lies, the courage to be a seductive mistress, the strength to be an unfaithful husband, and the innocence of a wife that hides the doubt because of her unbiased love. So whom do we have to put all the blame on? To the lonely mistress? To the cheating husband? Or to the innocent wife? Hard to tell isn’t it?

But we have to face it! We may understand their individual stories, but we can never hide the fact that this is happening, that illegal romantic affairs are just around the corner—it might even be too late, but probably, someone you know might either be the unfaithful or the unfortunate. Hence, The Legal Wife is just a representation of one of the most common social adversary of this country. It is just a representation of the reality that we are consumed by lies, governed by mistrust, and ruled by unfaithfulness and temptations. I’m even waiting for the statistics of the broken family rate of the country if this can’t be stopped in the worst case scenario.   

This is a very sad truth, and we can do nothing but to accept the consequences of the wrong move. But we could at least do something to decrease the probable rate of this concern through knowing ourselves better, approaching people better, thus results for you choose the right person better than anybody else, and not just choose because you were provoked to do so. Let us do our part and make the correct move towards other people and avoid the wrath of social adversaries.

I am very open to comments or suggestions. Just email me at kleinejuno@yahoo.com and follow me on twitter @kleinejun.  

Cat-Mouse Relationships!

                                   

                                                                                                   

“When the cat is away, the mouse will play.”

We always do experience a thrill of excitement whenever our buddies are out there somewhere, out of reach. We always do feel the freedom to say and do whatever we want and like whenever our enemies are nowhere to be found. We always do bear this cat and mouse relationship.

It has always been on our psyche—to make the best when they are not around, to make some fun when they are not listening.

Listed below are just kink examples of situations where we could all relate to:

Student-teacher relationship

Think of yourself sitting in front of the class with the most horrific teacher in the campus. Think of all those traumatic events when you will be scolded, yelled and will feel terrified by your teacher’s glaring eyes. Aren't those devastating?

However, every student has a real funny but true thing to every teacher. Here are some situations that we could actually site with our teachers—just to make fond of it.

When the time of the class has already been running and the teacher has not arrived yet, our minds are already going through a lot of plans for that time— one mouse has to serve as the look-out for the whole class, waiting at the door for any sign of the approaching grumpy cat, and the rest has to do their things and savor it—like do their assignments, listen to music, or just gossip on their crushes and the likes.

Another is when the teacher will arrive, making the whole class doomed, then suddenly, the teacher herself changes the mood of every entity when she decided not to hold a class for some important matters; the students on the other hand are already shouting with joy in their hearts, but silent enough for the teacher not to hear their overflowing emotions. It feels like the whole class has been set free from a lifetime of monotony and melancholy, especially if that is a boring minor subject or a nerve-cracking major subject, or if they will be having an exam on that day and all the students were not able to study their lesson.

Child-parent relationship

As kids, we always love to be with our parents; that were when we were still young. But that’s quite deviated as the one of the norms nowadays. Back when we were still young, we always wanted to be petted by our mother, but now, some things are just different.

It has not been new to our notion that some, if not majority of our parents are harsh and authoritarian; some in a sense of unknowingly controlling their child, depriving their rights. Today, many of us still are clinging to this thing, but not all the times.

We feel controlled and still when they are at our side, but when they are away, it’s like we are so free and liberated that it seemed that we rule the world, and we own it. It’s like being freed from the dark and can now go and roam around, do everything we like and be us.

The situation goes to be having your true identity revealed with the absence of our progenitors, and pretending to be not you when they are present, and these holds true to many of us.

Friends-enemy (friend) relationship      

This is very common on teenagers nowadays. Well, common enough to majority, if not all groups of friends, especially girls.

Some of these situations are as follows:

When you are with your clique, then there is one person you are talking about as your hot seat gossip, the group will compress and form this circle of chikas to begin with. One will start the ball rolling, then everyone will be so eager to share their sentiments and comments to such individual—some with words of insult, some just to have fun, especially if that individual is the most vulnerable of all, the one who has many flaws. Then suddenly, the person of your chika arrives and walks towards you, and then one will change the topic, and without any interruptions, all the rest will be talking with that new scope, knowing that the person of their chika is already there, unconscious and unaware.

Sometimes, they will even go to the canteen and continue their chika, just to finish what they’ve started.    

Another situation turns around just with your own friends, and you’ll never know that you are already in the trend.

One second you are talking to each other, happily and normally as what friends do, but deep inside you are hiding that antagonistic feeling inside towards that friend, then when that comrade turns around and goes away, your dirty thoughts and words will be whispered through the wind.

On the other hand, that friend of yours, who unknowingly has been bitten by you, also has the wrath towards you, and hated you more than you hated her, and the cycle continues—you will be facing through each other, yet the both of you are floating like plastics in the river. 

   

Individual-home relationship

We tend to be so moral and erect while we are in our homes, guarded by the force field so you cannot go and be yourself. But when we are out there somewhere—like out of town, hanging out with friends, we feel superior and resorts to be going wild, while our homes are left behind, longing for you to show what you are with it.

We used to be so silent when staying on our individual lairs, seems like we are not us. But if given a chance to be with others, it seems like the world is ours, the whole dome is in our command. Remember that all of us also need some time on our own, to know us better, to recognize what we have, and improve what we have to, away from the barriers that alters our desire to do the task that we have to. So go on, while the cat is away, let us play. 

Good Luck (To Myself!)

Here I am again, writing non sense blogs. Who cares anyway? But just let me do this okay?

I know, we are just students who deal with these hassles in the academe. And I'm done with those tiring stuff. Well, I used to have this home-school-home and study hard-forget-to-rest routines back in the old days. And I don't know why it has changed. Because of friends maybe? Or time? Or the environment itself? Or it's just within me.

I hate to tell this but I am not anymore fond of scanning nor skimming those books or things-to-enhance-your-knowledge stuff, when in fact I was craving with those back in the primeval times (not that old anyway, 3 years perhaps?).

So, this will be is our finals week, and I haven't even touched an eye to one of my notebooks (or scratch papers). I still have to finalize my research paper and I haven't even finished a single page. I still have to study for my major subjects and I haven't even got the chance to touch it.

So. Good luck to me I guess?

*cheers* I know I'll pass on all my subjects. (I am assuming. Aren't I?)